Thursday, July 12, 2012

Emotional Girl

Today has been emotional, but not in the terms of overwhelming homesickness, anxiety, or sadness.  I have experienced emotions that I rarely manifest.

I'm a pretty loving person, but today as we were driving through New York City (or attempting to), I felt hate for the first time in a long time.  Maybe my small town roots have me trained in small town ways, but I have never been happier to escape a place.  Don't get me wrong; New York is a nice place and I would recommend visiting to anyone, but there are several things about NYC that don't mesh with me and some of my quirks.

First, I inherited my father's ailment of motion sickness.  The large bus to Stony Point wasn't bad, but four hours after my taxi cab ride, I was still feeling nauseous.  Also, for those who know about my need to control motorized vehicles, riding in the backseat of said taxi cab (without A/C) was not a pleasant experience.

Second, I struggle with not being able to see more than 50 yards in any direction.  Buildings on every side gives me a sense of claustrophobia that I am not particularly fond of.  Again, growing up without any obstructions on the open prairie might have spoiled me.

Third, I am normally a punctual person.  I like having a strict schedule and being on time as I see that as a sign of respect to others in the group.  But, in NYC, you never know how long it will take to get somewhere because there is ALWAYS traffic. Thirty miles out of NYC and there was STILL traffic.

Emotion #1 (Anger, frustration, and maybe hatred)

During the Young Adult Missionary training, we will all be sharing our stories of our call to ministry.  Of course, this was supposed to be prepared by now, but I've been trying to figure out a way to say it more eloquently.  So with a little anxiety comes a less familiar emotion, FEAR.  I know I have something to say, but I'm still working on how to say it.  Check back this week for "Unanswered Prayers", my journey to becoming a missionary.

It's amazing how freeing it is to share those emotions and how, for the first time in my life, I'm accepting fear and maybe even hatred.  First lesson of YAMS training:  Just because you're ministering to others does NOT mean that you're done growing or already made perfect.  Boy, does that take the pressure off.

Signing off from Stony Point Retreat Center, upstate NY  

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