Where did June go??

So summer program started....

And there was a LOT to do....

And we've been VERY busy....

Now that I have my excuses out of the way, let me tell you about the joys of June.  I can't believe the month is almost over, but it has been an exciting one.

I went home to Oklahoma to kick off the month, celebrated my friend's wedding, a 5-year high school reunion, and a family reunion.  My boyfriend Matt was able to accompany me on the trip (his first to the Okie state) and it was extremely memorable.  Only a week after the tornadoes in Moore, Matt was scheduled to arrive at Will Rogers Airport, only to be interrupted by another tornado, delaying him another day.  We were happy to get him there safely, so we could join in some of our little adventures.

Pre-Matt, I went to the Oklahoma Annual Conference.  For the non-Methodists, it's basically a gathering of pastors, laity, and guests to discuss and celebrate what's happening within the conference.  Conferences are different sizes, but Oklahoma's includes the whole state.  It was my first annual conference ever, and the experience was very enjoyable, especially since my best friend Erica is a youth pastor and was also in attendance.  We had time to catch up and make some interesting connections.  I've enjoyed seeing how all these mission folks are somehow binded together.

Interesting connection of the week:  Erica's church just started Project Transformation this summer, which my fellow missionary Elisabeth works at in Dallas.  Click on her name to learn more!  Since I had heard so much about the program from Elisabeth (who I visited Spring Break), I was super pumped to hear that Wesley UMC in El Reno would be using this program at their church.

My relaxing trip back home did involve some down time, but I got to spend a lovely evening (heavy thunderstorms) with a few close friends at Cheyenne Valley UMC and speak to the Congregation at my home church in Fairview.  Whew!  The week closed out with a beautiful golf outing and friendly competition between my parents and Matt and me.

On our way back to Georgia, we went "Walking in Memphis" from Beale Street to Graceland to Rendezvous Barbecue to the roof of the Peabody.  Even though we work together and see each other pretty much 7 days a week, it was nice to have some time to enjoy each other's company without all the other distractions.

Summer program started when we returned, and it hasn't slowed down.  We start at 8am every day and finish around 5pm.  I've been inside doing themed activities from Sports Week to Superhero Week to Animal Week.  I've also spent a lot of time lifeguarding, helping with swim lessons, and enjoying the kids' company.  There is so much joy in seeing a child accomplish something like learning to swim and I've already seen five kids master the skill in the first three weeks!

I've had some time to cool off, but two weeks ago, I was just looking for some light at the end of the tunnel.  When it rains, it pours, and it poured all week long!  Tuesday, we had bible study.  Wednesday, I spoke to the North Georgia UMW at their annual conference breakfast.  Thursday, I preached at chapel.  And Sunday, I preached at my new home Anna Kresge UMC.  Between all that and working 8 hours/day, I was exhausted.

It ended on Father's Day though, and I got to enjoy a little celebration with Matt's family followed by some much needed R&R at the pool (not the one where I lifeguard with the kids).

We dove into summer and are still swimming to the top.  I'm sure there's so much more to come with the Youth in Mission conference next week at Lake Junaluska and another trip home for two more weddings.  I look forward to what July has to offer, but I'm hoping to hold on to the next few days as long as I can.

Big Questions, Big Decisions

Yesterday morning, I was laughing about how hard it was going to be to do work with only a few days between me, vacation, and a trip back to Oklahoma.  I'm sure everyone will be thinking I skipped out early when I called in sick today.  I am, sadly, legitimately sick.  Playing hooky would have been a good idea, but I couldn't be that lucky.  I am incapable of doing nothing with a day off, though, so I thought blogging would be a great idea. (Don't worry, I'm not here to complain about my ailments.)

Our summer program starts next week, and I'm sure it's going to get very hectic, but I'm going to be more diligent with my communication via blog and newsletter.  I think the more pressure and less time I have to do things, though, the more I will get done.  It seems to be a trend that when I only have one thing to do, I can procrastinate for hours, but when I have a million things, they all somehow get completed.

I've been thinking a lot about my future lately.  Not my immediate future, but the big questions, like where am I going to grad school?, what kind of facility do I want to work at?, what things am I willing/unwilling to sacrifice?.  Okay, so maybe they're not super huge questions, but they are pretty big.

For all who are interested, these are some insights I've gained into my future, since I got to Murphy-Harpst.  You may not know that the US-2 program is also supposed to include some vocational discernment, which I have been doing.

I've never felt comfortable in a hospital setting, so I always thought that I wanted to work with outpatient services.  I've now realized that there are a lot of options in the middle, and that's where I want to be.  I think a lot can be done when you have access to everyone with whom the child comes into contact, and you can make a bigger influence than your one-hour session allows.  So I want to work at some residential facility for kids, check.

I have been searching through universities offering PsyD programs, because I know that I want to do clinical psychology, and I want practical, hands-on experience.  I'm sure some PhD programs offer that, but it's core to the PsyD program, so that's the direction I'm seeking.  When I first started searching, I looked at the "Top PsyD Programs" list, but then I realized that maybe I didn't need the top program; maybe I just need the program that is right for me.  I want to be close to some form of home, so the Southwest and Southeast would be ideal.  My searches placed these programs at the top of my list: Baylor, Denver, Regent, and NOVA Southeastern.  They all have their pro's and con's.

Baylor:
Pro: Between home (OK) and my sister (Texas A&M), Div 1 school (campus life)
Con: Extremely conservative, Extremely difficult to get in (Accept 7 per year)

Denver:
Pro: Beautiful location between home (OK) and aunt and cousins (Loveland/Fort Collins), Methodist theology school with certificate options
Con: Snow, cold for 6 months, higher cost of living

Regent:
Pro: Virginia Beach (semi-close to friends in Durham), lower tuition costs
Con: Not as highly ranked academically, higher cost of living

NOVA Southeastern: Fort Lauderdale (beautiful weather and plenty of fun things to do)
Con: Not as highly ranked academically, higher cost of living, not close to many friends or family

So I started looking for facilities like Murphy-Harpst and realized there are three within 20 miles of the University of Denver, so it's definitely in the lead right now.  I'm a little stressed about the whole application process that I have to start this summer, but I'm looking forward to the great options I have for my future.  Thank you to everyone who's been helping with my discernment...

My big decisions are small compared to those in Oklahoma who are now asking where they'll live since their homes have been destroyed, where they'll work since their businesses were destroyed, and where to start rebuilding.  My prayers go out to all of them.

Love and Let Go(d)

So I finished my first newsletter and although I tried to highlight some important moments from the past 8 months, I realized that I should be blogging a LOT more, because I have a lot to write about.  I'm posting the newsletter below for those who want to take a peek, but here are the most recent developments.

School is almost out, and I'm preparing for a trip home to visit family, attend a friend's wedding and my class reunion and annual conference, and speak at a few churches.  Things are a little hectic to say the least.  The story I want to share is about what I consider my first loss (Don't worry; it's a good loss).

There was a young woman here that I formed a very sincere connection with in my first 6 months on the job.  I don't know if it was our similar interests, our mutual respect for each other, or God's plan for us to help each other, but she was special.  She had energy, a smile that lit up the room, and a heart of gold.  Keep in mind, she had some issues to deal with, but we all do.  One not so great day, I was telling a co-worker how much I was hurting from learning about losses of two family members at home, and she suggested that I go find this girl and hang out.  I always think of myself as the giver, not the receiver, but I realized that I needed my share of help, too.  I followed her advice, and it did make my afternoon better.

She completed her time at Murphy-Harpst a couple of months ago, and I struggled a LOT seeing her go.  I was worried about how her family would deal with her tantrums, could they forgive things in her past, and would they help her become the brilliant woman that I envisioned for her future?  I received phone calls in the first week she was gone about how much she didn't like it there and didn't like her family.  I knew she was struggling with the transition, but I prayed that it was only the transition that was hard.  A few weeks later, I had a message from her cheerful voice announcing that she had made the high school track team.  She was so excited, but sorry she hadn't called earlier.  she said she'd been so busy!  I was overcome with joy that she had found her new place.  She had settled in, and it was time for her life to continue.

I haven't heard much in the last month, which I'm taking as no news is good news.  I didn't know how I was going to move on, and I don't think she ever realized that some days I needed her as much as she needed me.  I have to trust that God will take care of her now.  There are more kids coming in, and of course, I have some special bonds with a few, but she'll always be the first - the one who taught me how to love and let Go(d).

May Newsletter

MAY 2013

My Own Worst Enemy

Last week, a former resident of Murphy-Harpst came to speak to our older girls.  She's an author now and was a nurse for 30 years.  Before meeting with the girls, I had lunch with her and her husband and we were discussing the importance of writing your story.  She asked me if I was familiar with blogs and told me how much she enjoyed blogging about things.  I agreed, although I've found it a little difficult in the past month or so.  I always have things to say, and just to share about what happens in bible study each week would give me plenty of material.  I realized, though, that I share a lot of other people's stories, but I'm not always willing to share my own, especially when it's not fine and dandy.

So, honestly, it hasn't been fine and dandy recently.  The kids are doing well, my job is fine, my family and friends are wonderful, but I've not been all fine and dandy.

I realized on Monday that the only person who was keeping me from joy and fulfillment was myself.  It sounds silly and maybe a little crazy, but let me explain.  I was giving other people the right to determine my attitude, my emotions, and my joy.  And they weren't even making me feel bad.  I always tell the kids that it doesn't matter what someone does or says to you, but it does matter how you react.

WHERE IS THAT SIGN WHEN I NEED IT?

I was waking up, determined to just make it through the day, not expecting to have a good day, not trying to be patient and find joy, and looking for a reason to feel sorry for myself.  Let me tell you; if you look hard enough for the negative, you WILL find it.  It's there; nothing is perfect.  I became really focused on what was lacking in my life, instead of being filled with joy of the wonderful things that are present in my life.

This metaphor could be used in so many ways.
1.  It's hard to see the good when you're looking for the bad.
2.  It's hard to see God when you're looking for evil.
3.  It's hard to see what you have when you're searching for what you're missing.

I've gotten stuck on quotes and decided to turn my office door into a wall of quotes.  I thought that the kids and ME could benefit from being reminded of some of these little lessons.  One that I remember and seems relevant to my current revelation is this: "It is better to want what you have than to have what you want."

I've started looking at the things I have and learning to value them (or want them).  In bible study, we talked about how our perspective of what's important shifts when we become children of God.  When you start to look at heaven, it makes earthly things look less valuable.  When you have God's acceptance, you stop letting people's acceptance rule your life.

Maybe that's why money can't make you happy.  When you finally have enough money to buy anything in the world, those expensive things lose value.  It's cliche to say we want what we can't have, but the reality is that when you realize what God has given you, there's nothing greater to want.

I am my own worst enemy.  Life is good everyday, because no one else controls me.  I have the ability to experience great joy 365 days a year, because I know Jesus Christ.

Newsletter Time

So I realized that it's been nearly two months since I last posted. I have so many things to write about. From my trip home to lots of side trips to work to crazy stories... I decided that I'm going to start sharing them not only via blog but via newsletter. I will post the PDF of the newsletter soon, but if you'd like to receive a copy via email or mail or you know someone else who would, the sign-up is below!

Subscribe to my newsletter e-mailing list

Go West!

This evening I was able to worship and fellowship with the Wesley Foundation at West Georgia.  Being a huge fan/"member"/alumni of Wesley, it was wonderful to see another thriving ministry with students so grounded and connected.  I always wondered if Duke Wesley was unique in its familial style or if that was a trait of all Wesley Fellowships/Foundations.  I can now say it is not unique to one, and I hope that it is a shared trait among all the Wesley campus ministries.

While I was blessed by the hospitality and invitation to share my story, I had an epiphany during my speaking time.  I was asked to share not only about my work and ministry, but about my calling specifically.  I laugh when I recall that being a missionary was one of three things I applied for, and the only one I got accepted to.  Now, either God was trying to tell me something, or coincidentally, this is the only thing I was apt to do.  Whichever way it's looked at, I am not here because a voice from heaven spoke and called me into ministry; I'm here because I chose to draw near to God.

I was sharing with the students the only real calling I can identify - working with kids.  After Canon asked the group in New Mexico where do you feel closest to God?, I got my answer, my calling.  I explained to the students and was reminded that God calls us into God's presence.  Where you feel God and see God is where you should long to be.

Draw near to God, and God will draw near to you.   -James 4:8

From Dust to Dust

I thought the title Ashes to Ashes would be a little cliché‬ on Ash Wednesday, so I'm spicing it up.  I was thinking about the meaning of the ashes and the idea of being from dust and returning to dust.  Tomorrow, I'll get to share with the kids at Chapel, and although it's Valentine's Day and I could talk about love and how our love starts with knowing God's love, I can't help but feel a pull toward sharing about lent, Ash Wednesday, and the importance of this season.  I've been wrestling for the past 24 hours about where I should start, how to explain it all, and it's not easy for me.

Growing up, my church didn't remind us that it was almost time for lent; you need to give up something.  It wasn't until college that I started exploring the idea of fasting, giving up something for God, and understanding the meaning behind it all.  Last night, someone asked me what I was giving up.  I hadn't figured that out yet, but I told them it wouldn't be sweets, or meat, or something like that, because then it becomes a diet.  Alright, my body is a temple and I should be healthy for Jesus.  The motivation for me is wrong, though.  I started asking what part of my life needed some work.

Plain and simple, I've never really had a prayer life.  I pray in church, before meals if I'm with people (I tend to forget when I'm by myself, because I'm usually in a hurry), and when someone has a request that I need to share with God.  Sunday school teachers always used to say that if Jesus is your best friend, wouldn't you want to talk to Him all the time, and share your life with Him?  Now, in my defense, I feel like I lead a prayerful life and nearly every moment, I'm seeking to do ministry the way Jesus would have done it.  The only difference is that Jesus was constantly separating Himself to pray to God, and that's something I just don't do.

So I'm starting.  I thought 5 minutes a day would be a good commitment.  The funny thing is that I started praying and God and I had a lot to catch up on.  I didn't make it in 5 minutes, and I was okay with that.  I enjoyed my time alone with God.  When prayer is given to us like a duty, it's not fun, and we dread it.  People always used to tell me that you need to read your bible and pray everyday.  I took that as a chore, but it's not a chore if you don't make it one.  Prayer is my time with God.  It's a time to talk to God about my worries and know God's listening.  Conveniently, God doesn't multi-task me like I usually do to God.

I noticed the dust on one of my cabinets this morning and didn't want to clean it off, because it represents what Ash Wednesday is about.  We are dust to dust, ashes to ashes.   Everything that makes this dust unique and wonderful and holy comes from God.  Without God, I am merely dust; but today, I am beautiful dust, not swept away in the wind, but made perfect by God.